“Sex is more than an act of pleasure, its' the ability to be able to feel so close to a person, so connected, so comfortable that it's almost breathtaking to the point you feel you can’t take it. And at this moment you're a part of them.”
(A quote I pulled fromthink exist.com)
There's a danger of mixing up love with lust though. Real love comes with knowing someone and caring for one another over time. Someone that cares for you not with just words, but actions as well, encourages your goals,considers your plans and your feelings most likely has more than just lust for you or maybe no lust for you at all.
I have personally experienced feelings of lust and infatuation. And I have learned the hard way that "butterflies in your belly and getting wet panties when he texts you" doesnt mean he loves you, even if he says he does. Actions speak lounder than words. The butterfly feeling will eventually go away and I am going to use a quote from one of my friends, "You realize that this person has crusty underwear in the laundry basket too." You start to come down off of the cloud you were on and things start to get real. Like I said earlier, this is usually in a course of about 6 months.
Sexual attraction is notorious for obliterating common sense in the most sensible people. Why? Lust is an altered state of consciousness programmed by the primal urge to procreate. Studies say that the brain in this phase is much like a brain on drugs. MRI scans illustrate that the same area lights up when an addict gets a fix of cocaine as when a person is experiencing the intense lust of physical attraction. Also in the early stage of a relationship, when the sex hormones are raging, lust is fueled by idealization and projection and you see what you hope someone will be or need them to be instead of seeing the person they truly are.
So this brings me to a debate I found myself in with some guys at a local bar one night. If humans are honestly supposed to commit to one sexual partner for the rest of their life, why do we have this feeling of lust programmed into our little brains and why does it go away after 6 months? There are two well-known theorists who formed the opposing positions in the nature versus nurture debate. Sigmund Freud, a firm supporter of the nature argument, believed that sexual drives are instinctive and viewed sexuality as the central source of human personality. John Locke, on the other hand, believed in the nurture argument, using his theory of the mind being seen as a “tabula rasa” or blank slate, the environment in which one develops drives their sexuality. I have to agree with Sigmund on this theory. And I have read many studies proving it to be true that it is human nature to want to have sex with more than one person in the course of your life. Studies show that most human groups do not practice monogamy (only having one sexual partner) Even in cultures where monogamy is the ideal, it may not be practiced by most people. Monogamy is learned throughout the course of your life by people who are religious and have certain morals about sexual relationships. I honestly believe if these morals and beliefs didn't exist, humans would be mating with anyone they passed on the street and were attracted to. We would be humping like rabbits with whoever and whenever we wanted.
A caption I read in Ezine article Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/647247 states, "Human beings are sexual creatures by nature. Our physical appetites are naturally occurring and are an integral part of who we are as human beings. Not only is it vital to our survival, but hopefully a source of pleasure and enjoyment as well. We are largely conditioned by a belief system that often instills guilt, fear, insecurity, or shame in our sexuality. Our values & beliefs about sex, how we perform sex and experience our sexuality, are all learned behaviors and ideas. We get messages from our cultures that tell us things, feed our ideas about sexuality, and teach us what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior. Even though sex before marriage is for the most part socially acceptable and widely practiced, the idea of having more than one sexual partner simultaneously is still considered a taboo. Some people believe that no matter how great the sex is in a monogamous marriage, it still does not provide for the basic natural human desire to connect sexually with more than one person.
It is perfectly normal to desire other sex partners. Even happily monogamous couples recognize the realities of outside sexual desire. Our desire for this is pretty much hardwired into both men and women with genetic instructions for males and females of all species to replenish their population. The ancient biological need for a man to spread his seed and inseminate every female in sight is still felt my men today. Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/647247
Something to think about right!? Divorce,breakups,cheating,sluts,malewhores,swinging,bisexuals....it's all starting to make sense to me. But here is the thing...
The dopamine that is being relaesed in your brain in the beginning stages of a relationship requires novelty so you will eventually build up a tolerance after you get use to each other. It can take up to a year or two, but eventually, it will be harder to have the same buzz as you did in the beginning.
This is natural. It doesn’t mean you are falling out of love. When the chemical cocktail dries up, the relationship either moves into a loving one based in reality, or there is disillusionment, and the relationship ends. People who jump from relationship to relationship are craving the intoxicating effects.
So have found myself thinking "Im falling out of love with my husband and Falling in love with another man" I know this sounds horrible and I hate that I have felt like that. The truth is I love my husband,care for him, would never want anything to happen to him, would miss him if he was gone, and I don't ever want him hurting. Real love is based on being fully aware of all your partner’s qualities. You can actually see the whole person, the good and the bad, and ugly. You love them in spite of, or because of, their struggles. It’s based on mutual affection and respect. Just because I dont get butterflies and wet panties everytime he walks in the room after 10 years of marriage, doesn't mean I have fallen out of love. It simply means I have fallen out of lust and into love. We have talked a lot about sex, lust and love. We communicate our feelings and fantasies/desires and understand that we would be lost without eachother and we keep our marriage exciting. And still after 10 years of being together, we have found a way for the dopamine to be released in our brain and have experienced that sexual high together. I find it truly amazing and I believe that we will survive a successful, exciting and happy marriage with eachother!
I guess the moral of my blog is.....lust will die down eventually and at that point love will sometimes take it's place. It is very important to realize this and understand that there are ways to make your loving relationship exciting and be able to release those feel good hormones that are programmed into us as human beings! It's up to you to find out what works for your relationship! Communication and trust with your partner is a must if you want a marriage to survive. I truly believe if you have that, everything else should either fall into place or be figured out!
I am very interested to hear thoughts/comments on this subject, and I know that there will be a lot of people who completey disagree and that is okay. We are all different and have our own beliefs, morals and religions. :)
